if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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