you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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