My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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