Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
