Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
