You made me cry and you don't even care
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
