we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
