Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize