my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
