A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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