I hate all girls vehemently.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
