if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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