I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
