This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
