omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
