Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
