Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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