OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
