and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize