Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
