I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
