I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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