I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize