now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
