sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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