i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
