No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
