Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you inspire me to be a worse person
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
