8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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