Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
