What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
