Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
BRING THE BAGELS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
