Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
