Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
