I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
