you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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