yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
