FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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