i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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