Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
