I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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