He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize