I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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