just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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