I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
