Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
