dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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