Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
