Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
