Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
