Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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