It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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