i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
