I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
