just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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