exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
