Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
