im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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