Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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