I just cut my nipple shaving
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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