that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
