so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
