i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
