He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mom said you looked used
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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