Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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