areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
