These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
