I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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