and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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