even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize